There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
