he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
