New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
