Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
