hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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