I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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