Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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