so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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