I feel great
I just peed on a car
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
