That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
