drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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