Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
