So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
