Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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