I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
