You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
