She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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