Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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