woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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