i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
