It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
