i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
