i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
