her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
