Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
