I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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