i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
