how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Couch. On fire.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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