i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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