i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
