I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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