Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
COCAINE IS GR8
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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