im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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