it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
