I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
