Porn is love you can see.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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