YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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