he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
