I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
