Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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