the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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