the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
