She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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