Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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