Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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