I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
