I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
