I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am one with the molecules
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
