from now on my penis is your penis
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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