I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
