he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
