I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I want a musical about memes.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
