I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize