I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
