On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The power of my boobs compel you
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
