My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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