Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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