tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
