My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
