Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I just sharted jello shots
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
