You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
