woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
