i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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