Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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