He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
