Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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