her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
