so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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