am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize