We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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