ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
