Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
