I wish I could teleport
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
