I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
