so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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