hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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