I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
