Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
