He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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