If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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