I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
