why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize