real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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