omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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