I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
