if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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