I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I want to be your penis for a week.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
