what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
