I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
