Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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