i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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