Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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