You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Operation Purity has been aborted
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
