what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize