Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have already put on my inside pants.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
