She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
