My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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