And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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