sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
