SEEEEXXX PLEASE
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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