so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
