The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
