If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
