No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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