there's paper in my vomit.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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