I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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