I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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