paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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