This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
