Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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